


Memory

by Speechless_since_1998



Series: Klance Au/Crossover [4]
Category: Robotech/Voltron (Comics), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Repressed Memories, Season/Series 07, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24244171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speechless_since_1998/pseuds/Speechless_since_1998
Summary: The Paladins believed they had won.They were wrong. Bob has erased their memory and stole the magic of Allura.What have they forgotten? Who is Lance? They are determined to find out. Unfortunately, Bob has one last trial to subject Keith to.----------------------------------------------He grunted, "Lance, do you realize that this is the 10th time that the Red Lion hasn't responded to your commands? What you're doing?"Silence.He repeated, "You have nothing to say?""Dude, my name is Matt."“ After a year you should know,” said Hunk.Pidge mumbled, "Who is Lance?"Keith didn't reply. He didn't know it.
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura & Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Blue Lion (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance & Shiro (Voltron)
Series: Klance Au/Crossover [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850479
Comments: 110
Kudos: 288





	1. Prologue

Keith was angry. The team was a disaster. They had been trying to form Voltron for hours, but they failed. It was becoming awkward. This problem had almost killed them during the last mission. They had not died only thanks to the intervention of Shiro and Coran, who had managed to convince the inhabitants of Saqqur to rebel against the oppressors Galra. Keith couldn't allow this to happen again: the universe depended on them.   
Who would fight against the Galra if they died?  
The rebellion force was weak, their allies needed them, and they couldn’t make mistakes. The problem had to be solved! Moreover, the Red Lion had become unmanageable! It was probably his new pilot's fault.  
He grunted, "Lance, do you realize that this is the 10th time that the Red Lion hasn't responded to your commands? What you're doing?"  
Silence.   
He repeated, "You have nothing to say?"  
"Dude, my name is Matt."   
“ After a year you should know,” said Hunk.  
Pidge mumbled, "Who is Lance?"   
Keith didn't reply. He didn't know it. 

After the meeting with Bob, things became strange: Coran always asked for someone to help him clean the lions although he had never done it before, Hunk cooked for eight people instead of seven, and Allura could no longer use magic. Moreover, Keith called Matt "Lance" without ever having known someone by that name. Coran said it was probably a consequence of meeting a powerful being like Bob. Keith wasn’t sure. He felt there was something wrong. It was a strange feeling, as if he was dreaming and couldn’t wake up.   
He tried to be rational and to concentrate on the mission. However, he felt guilty. He didn’t know why. Yet, he couldn’t ignore the feeling of loss in his heart.  
He wanted to talk about this with Shiro, but he didn't want to disturb him. It was a silly problem. Only a name of a person he can’t remember.  
 _If only he could convince his heart._

Red Lion was reckless, uneasy to control, and hated him. Matt felt Red's hatred and he seemed that he would gladly leave him in space forever. It was as if the lion wanted to tell _You aren’t my paladin._ Matt thought Red was right. He didn’t' feel comfortable among the paladins. It was as if he had stolen someone else's place, someone more qualified than he.  
"Come on, Red. Talk to me!"  
The Red Lion didn't reply. Matt groaned.  
"Come on! I ask you one thing! Why you hate me?"   
No response. Red Lion kept ignoring him. It was frustrating!   
How could he help Voltron if he wasn't even able to talk to his lion? 

Allura had lost her magic. Coran told her she was just tired, but she didn't believe him. Bob made something to her. He stole her powers. The princess didn’t know why, but Bob wanted to punish her. It was a sensation. It was impossible to understand what Bob wanted to do. He was a trickster. He used their weaknesses against them. _Because of him, Lance had suffered a lot._ It was strange. When she was with Blu Lion, she remembered that name too.   
“You know Lance?” she asked, hoping her lion knew what was going on.  
 _Yes  
_ “Who was he?”  
 _He was my paladin.  
_ He couldn’t say more because of the pain.   
Blu Lion had to love him deeply if Lance absence made him suffer so much.  
 _Please, remember him._

Hunt felt strange. It was as if something was missing. He cooked more than he should, he didn't like silence, working with Pidge was too quiet. Even Pidge had the same feeling.  
“ Do you think Lance is real?” asked Pidge while she was working on a Galra equipment found on Saqqur.   
“ Why are you asking it?”  
“ Keith seems sure that Matt is _Lance_ . Doesn't it seem strange to you?”  
Hunk said, " Keith is just stressed out."  
"Are you sure it's just stress?"  
"I don't know - said the yellow paladin - I just know there is too much tension, and nobody can laugh."   
"Do you need a clown in the group?"  
Hunk pursed his lips when she said clown. It bothered him.  
"No, I need something to remind us that we are human ...well, two alteans and five humans."  
"Keith is half Galra."  
"Then two alteans, a half galra and five humans."  
“ Four.”  
“What?”  
“ We are four humans.”  
“ Yeah, you are right.”  
Pidge looked up from the computer, "Maybe it's not just Keith's problem."  
"Do you think it's Bob's fault?"  
"He certainly has something to do with it. Perhaps it's another of his trials."   
"Does that mean he has power in the real world too?"  
Pidge shook her head, "I have no idea. I've never met a god."  
"Presumed god."   
"We don't know anything about him - continued the paladin - Also, Coran is not very useful."  
“It’s not his fault!”  
“Do you think saqquriani know more about Bob in Saqqur?"   
"We can ask them.”  
“ It's a good idea.” 

_Do you see, Bob? They remember something. You will lose. There is still hope._


	2. I

_Don't be silly, paladin. They don't remember. They feel something wrong, but couldn't understand what is. You are just a name. You are nothing._

  
_For now, Bob._

  
Saqqur was chaotic. Its inhabitants were cheered by the expulsion of the Galra. They were not used to freedom. For years they had been slaves, forced to work in mines, and extract material for the weapons of their oppressors. The children didn't know what it meant to play. They were afraid of them. Hunk didn't blame them; the Galras had forced them to work harder in the mines because they were small, then they could enter the narrowest tunnels.   
The yellow paladin wanted to encourage them and make the kids understand that there was nothing to be afraid of now. He didn't know how to do it. He was not good at talking to children. His only experience was with his younger brother, but he was twelve years old.   
He said, " Lance would know what to do with them."   
Pidge raised an eyebrow, " Why do you think this?"   
" It's a sensation."  
"It's strange."

"Why?"   
"You don't know him, yet you know what he would do."  
"Maybe I'm guessing it."  
"If you say so..."   
"You didn't tell me what we're looking for," said Hunk.   
"We are looking for someone who knows Bob's story."  
"Why do you think someone knows him?"   
"Saqqur culture is very ancient. Coran told me that all the legends of the universe originated here. Or something like that. I didn't pay much attention to him. Coran wanders a lot. He seems used to talking about these things."  
"Maybe with Allura." 

"Yes, maybe with her ..." said Pidge unconvinced.  
"Where should we start?"   
"We should talk to the inhabitants. It would be difficult."   
"Perhaps they would talk with us."   
"Hunk was wrong: none of the aliens wanted to talk to them about Bob.   
"It was frustrating to receive constant rejection. 

An old woman said, "Leave him alone, paladins. Bob isn't well-liked here."  
"We had noticed," Pidge replied caustically. She didn't like social interaction and was irritated by the reticence of aliens.

"Why is he feared?" Hunk asked. 

"Bob is a powerful being that enjoys the suffering of others. Only the great ones survive his trials. Death is his companion."

"Death?"

The old woman continued: "According to the legends, he serves to guarantee the balance of the universe. Where there is too much light or too much darkness, he is there to restore order. He is neutral, so he does not intervene in the various wars fighting in the universe. That's why he didn't stop the Galra. Bob is so old that the Galra are just capricious children to him. "

Pidge asked:" So why did he test us?" 

"You met Bob?"

"Yeah, he wasn't nice." 

"Nice? Nobody thinks that! All the universe fears Bob." 

Pidge replied:" He is an idiot. We want to know why he kept us prisoners. He stole the magic of the blue paladin." 

"He probably wanted to remind the blue paladin to respect the laws of the universe." 

Pidge snorted, "Allura didn't do anything ..." 

"She deceived death for Shiro," Hunk remembered. 

"Shiro was stuck on the astral plane! He wasn't dead!" 

"He was dead!"

"So is Shiro's fault?"

"I didn't say it!"

"Didn't you?" 

"Pidge, focus. The loss of Allura's magic doesn't explain who Lance is." 

"Who is Lance?" repeated the alien.

"Nobody. Maybe ..."

Pidge corrected him, "We don't know. We want to know more about Bob to find out if he made us forget anyone."

"I understand. Paladins, you are facing one of his tests."

"Another one?"

"It seems that Bob hasn't finished with you. I don't pretend to understand the reasons of someone so powerful, but he seems not to have been completely satisfied by Voltron.."

"What should we do?" asked the green paladin. 

" You have to remember what you did during his trials. The answer is there." 

Pidge rolled her eyes, "We already know everything. He humiliated us, made fun of Keith, and then made us choose who would come home. I chose Matt, Allura chose Keith, Hunk chose me, and Keith..."

"Who chose Keith?" Hunk asked.

"I don't remember. Keith chose you or Matt?" 

"Maybe he chose me."

"He said he would rather have been stuck with Bob forever than who he chose. He would never tell that to you."

"Why do you remember what he said and not who chose?" asked the yellow paladin. 

"That's more important that?"

"Maybe it's Bob's suggestion for you," suggested the woman. 

"His suggestion? Why?"

"I can't help you." 

"Very useful."

" However, I know someone who could help you with your memory problems. In the temple, the priestesses are experts in filters and potions. They know remedies for anything."

"Do they also know a cure for memory loss?" asked Hunk. 

He wasn't a fan of strange potions, but it looked like a necessary resolution for the team's problems. 

"Yes, they do." 

"Hunk, we know where to go now!"

"Don't be hasty, girl," the old woman held her back.

"I suggest you to go with your whole team."

"Why?"

"Memory loss is all about Voltron. You all have to heal."

"She's right," Hunk agreed.

Pidge grunted, "Keith thinks we're assuming everything."

"Let's explain everything to him. I'm sure he'll understand."

When explaining what they had discovered, Keith wasn't impressed. 

Allura, Matt, Coran, and Shiro seemed to take them seriously. Keith was skeptical.

"Let me understand, we should accept to take a strange potion from the local priestesses without being sure of its effectiveness because you have the feeling that Bob made you forget something?" he asked as soon as the two finished explaining.

Hunk nodded, " We are sure that Bob made us something. We didn't remember what he did. "

"Maybe he didn't do anything."

"He took Allura's magic and drove our memories! Moreover, there is Lance question. Who is he? Why you, Hunk, and Allura remember his name?" 

At the mention of Lance, Keith felt pain in his chest. He ignored it.

"Lance doesn't exist."

"Why are you so sure?"

"I just know."

Pidge replied, "Stupid! Don't you realize that Bob brainwashed you? We can recover our memories!" 

"You don't know if there are any memories to recover," said Keith. 

"I can prove it! Who found the Blue Lion?" 

"I found him in the cave." 

"Did you fly him?" 

"No, it was Matt." 

Matt denied, "I was a prisoner of the Galra. I couldn't have flown the blue lion the first time." 

Pidge replied, "Yet someone did it! Thanks to that person we found Allura and Coran! We didn't remember! Aren't you curious? We can have answers! Stop being stubborn!"  
"I'm just a realist!"   
Allura intervened: "Pidge may be right. If our memory has been manipulated, it would explain many things."   
"It would explain why the Red Lion hates me," said Matt.   
"I would comprehend what happened to my magic. Keith, the Blue Lion asked me to remember. He called Lance his paladin. If we found him, perhaps we can reform Voltron."  
" I agree" said Matt.  
Keith asked Shiro:" What do you think?"  
Shiro had been silent. He looked thoughtful.   
He said, "I think it's not a possibility to be eliminated. You almost died the last time because you couldn't form Voltron. If it's Bob's fault, you have to recuperate your memories.  
Keith sighed. Also Shiro thought it. He didn't have a choice.  
" Tomorrow we'il go to the temple. "  
Pidge said, " Finally, you've listened to me!"  
" I didn't say you're right. Yet I don't see alternative solutions."  
" It kills you to admit to being wrong?"  
" I'm not wrong."  
" Are you sure?"  
" Calm down you two" declared Shiro.   
" That's not the moment to discuss. As Keith said, tomorrow we'il go to the temple and will resolve this problem. We must cooperate as a team. Do you understand?"  
"Yes, Shiro" muttered Pidge.

Keith frowned. "Don't treat me like I'm a kid."   
"I'm not doing it, but you have to recognize that you've been unreasonable. Why don't you want to accept Pidge's hypothesis?"  
If I did it, I would have to live with the guilt.  
Keith didn't know where the thought came from.  
"Keith, are you okay?" asked Shiro.  
" I'm just tired."  
" I see. Well, we can go to sleep now. It was a very stressful day."

_That's a surprise._

_I told you, Pidge is smart._

_Your faith in your friends is surprising, especially considering the fact that you are stuck here because of them._

_That was your fault._

_Maybe. But it was Keith's choice, not mine. He chose his brother, not you._

_It was impossible to choose!_

_However, he had no doubt. I'm curious to see how he will react when he remembers it. If he will remember..._


	3. II

The temple consisted of an external courtyard and an entrance gate, closed by walls on three sides and a terrace on which a large square structure stood. On the eastern side of the external courtyard, one could have access to an underground passage, filled with bronze statues of priestesses.  
On the western side, trees lined next to the ramp leading to the terrace. Centuries of the Galra domination had caused the building to fall in decay.  
Keith felt uncomfortable. It was as if the statues were following him with their eyes, judging him.  
  


A priestess came to meet them. She was young, more or less Pidge's age. She wore a scarlet dress with no particular ornaments and had a shawl wrapped around her chest, covering her arms completely. Her face was pure white, a intricate tattoo spreading all across the forehead. A golden necklace, almost a chain, wrapped around her neck.  
She smiled. "Welcome, paladins. It's an honour to receive you. To what do we owe this visit?"  
"An old woman from the village told us that you are skilled at making potions," Allura answered.  
"We need your help."  
"We knew that art. Unfortunately, we lost much of our knowledge was lost after the Galras."  
Keith snorted. " I told you it would be a waste of time."  
Allura ignored him. "Isn’t there anything you can do? The Paladins and I need something to help us recover our memories."  
"What happened?"  
"We met Bob." the princess cut it short.  
The priestess opened her mouth in dismay, "Did you survive Bob’s trials? Holy Mother Earth, it’s a miracle!"  
"It’s not a miracle. Bob stole some memories from us. We want them back," Keith growled, making Hunk jump.  
"I understand ... I can go and check if anything useful remains in our archives. Or ..." "Or?" urged Keith, heedless of Allura’s glare.  
"You could meet Kaylla."  
"Who is Kaylla?"  
"She is our _hasetsu_."  
Coran nearly choked on spit, "The hasetsu is still alive? I thought the Galras had killed her."  
"We hid her in the basement of the temple. The Galras gave up entering after some of them died trying."  
"Ok, what is a hasetsu?" asked Pidge.  
  
"It means _powerful woman_ – clarified Coran - A girl who accepts to become a vessel of a deity or spirit."  
"Where is she now?"  
"She is in the dungeons, where she prefers to stay. Kaylla says it is more suitable for meditation."  
Hunk swallowed. "Do you want to take us to a place full of traps?"  
The priestess reassured him. " I can defuse traps. There are no risks."  
"Are you sure?" Hunk asked.  
"Yes, I am. " "Shouldn’t we ask for permission first?" asked the yellow paladin.  
"You freed the planet from the Galra, we can make an exception for you."  
"The price of stardom," said Pidge.  
"There is the possibility that the recipe has remained for some mixture..."  
  
"It would take too long - Keith replied - We need the answers now. We will go to the headsets."  
"I was afraid he would have said it," sighed Hunk.  
"Follow me, paladins."  
The priestess passed the statues and led them past a small door that led to the crypt. They came down the spiral stairs and then arrived in a corridor illuminated by a row of torches.  
The girl cleared the traps, much to Hunk’s relief. They walked for a while until they arrived in front of an iron door.  
There was a seal on the door, representing a sun pierced by a spear.  
"Come in," she said, pointing to the door.  
"Aren’t you going with us?" asked Allura.  
"Only those who need to find their way are admitted to the presence of hasetsu. I will wait for you here."  
"Very convenient - Pidge commented - We will do all the hard work!"  
"The path to knowledge is never easy."  
" What shall we expect?" Shiro asked.  
"This depends on what you’ve lost."  
Allura thanked the priestess, pushed the door, and entered. The Paladins followed her. As soon as they entered, the door closed behind them. The room was claustrophobic, with no windows. Torches hung on the walls. At the far end of the room, sitting cross-legged in meditation was Kaylla.  
  


Hunk stopped retching. She couldn’t have been more than ten years old. The clothes were so large that the small body seemed to almost disappear into the red fabric. She would almost have made tenderness if it hadn&apost been for the stitched eyelids that made her permanently blind.  
"What did they do to her?" murmured Pidge.  
"It’s the price of becoming an hasetsu. Their bodies are mutilated," Coran explained. "It’s cruel!"  
"It is necessary, green paladin. We must remember that we are only instruments of the gods" Kaylla said.  
Her voice was hoarse for the prolonged silence. She turned her head towards them: "Even without the eyes, I see. You are blind, paladins."  
"We don't have eyelids sewn."  
"Katie!" her brother admonished her.  
"What? It's the truth."  
“ It’s not nice!”  
"I am not offended, red paladin - Kaylla said gently – Although, it would be more correct to call you rebel."  
"What?"  
  


"You too have noticed it: the Red Lion doesn’t accept you. This is because he remembers his real paladin."  
"His real paladin? Who? My father?"  
"No, princess. The one you forgot."  
Keith became impatient: "Stop it with riddles! We are here for answers!"  
"If you have to ask, you will never know. If you know, you just have to ask."  
" What does it mean?!"  
"Keith, calm down," Shiro said.  
"We're wasting time! We should try to train Voltron, don't talk to a blind child!"  
The girl bowed her head: "How do you plan to form Voltron without his heart?"  
" The heart?" asked Hunk.  
The hasetsu explained. "Voltron's heart has been stolen. Here you have the green paladin, the mind. Then the black paladin, the spirit. You have the yellow paladin, the strength. And finally, you have the blue paladin, who represents power. But you still need the heart. Without him, you cannot Voltron.”  
“ I never heard my father talk about this” Allura said.  
"Your father didn't know all of Voltron's secrets."  
  


"You said they stole our hearts. Why?" Keith asked.  
"You allowed it."  
"How?"  
"Between love and duty, you chose duty, black paladin. It was the wrong choice." Keith frowned. "Love and duty? What are you talking about?"  
"You will know if you accept the truth."  
" I accept anything that will let me out of here."  
" If you want so."  
The earth shook, seven doors emerging from the ground. On each, the name of a different paladin.  
"Come in," the hasetsu ordered.  
“They'll show you what you need."  
"It won't make us recover our memory," Keith pointed out.  
"Your memory will only come back when you understand what you are looking for." "Of course ..." It was the most absurd thing Keith had ever heard. He didn't want to open his door.  
  
Allura was of a completely different opinion. "If you don't mind, I'll go first." After saying that, she opened her door. Pidge did the same, followed soon by Matt and Hunk. Coran hesitated before entering. Only Shiro and Keith remained. Shiro sighed: "I don't think we have much choice."  
Keith looked at the door on which his name stood with such anger that he seemed to want to destroy it. He growled: "Let's end this idiocy."

_Are you afraid, Bob?_

_No, paladin. I'm curious._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Thank you, Gwen -chan. You are a great beta.


	4. III

_What will they see?_

  
_They will see what they need._

  
  
Coran was alone in an empty room. He felt suspended in the void.   
"Where am I?"   
The altean expected a voice to tell him what to do. The Paladins would have said it was cliché, but Coran would have preferred to listen to a strange voice than the silence. He hated the silence: it had become his closest companion.   
The princess no longer relied on him as before, the paladins were always busy, and nobody wanted to hear his stories! He felt so alone! He had nobody who listens to him! He had no longer a friend.   
Friend. Yes, it was a thought that occurred him a lot. Once, he had a friend who helped him with lions, listened to his stories about Altea, and made him laugh.   
He didn't' remember his name or his face. But Coran remembered the happiness he felt with him.   
Alfor would have liked that person, too. Thinking about this, Coran found himself in the hangar of the castle.  
The Lions were in front of him.   
"How..."  
"Coran, are you ok?"   
The altean turned and saw a boy in the armor of the blue paladin. He knew him.   
"I'm fine. Why are you here?"  
"Pidge said he found something in Sendark's memory. He needs your help to decode the computer."   
"He?"  
"Yes, Pidge. You remember him, right?"   
It was something that happened in the past. That was one of the memories lost. Initially, Pidge pretended to be a boy. Everyone knew it. No, not everyone. One paladin thought Pidge was a boy.   
"What's your name?" Coran asked urgently.  
The paladin said," Coran, I'm..."  
He stopped.  
"Coran, look out!"   
There was an explosion. The paladin shielded him with his body.  
_You helped me, risking your life, when you just met me. Who are you?_

  
  
Hunk felt sick. It was like being in one of Garrison's zero-gravity chambers. He hated those drills. He was the only one who vomited as soon as he left the room. Nobody helped him because he was just an engineer.   
Who needed an engineer unable to withstand zero gravity? Hunk wasn't a talented pilot or a genius. Before Pidge, at Garrison, he had no friends. It wasn't right. Hunk had a roommate who was on his side, even when he messed up tests. They were best friends.   
Why he wasn't with him ad Pidge when they saved Shiro?   
"It's unfair! Why is Keith here?"  
Hunk jumped: he was behind a rock, with Pidge and another person. The boy seemed familiar to him.  
Hunk remembered that day: he followed Pidge, and they helped Keith and Shito to escape from Garrison's soldiers. He didn't remember someone else followed Pidge with him.   
"Stay silent! - ordered Pidge - They will se us!"  
"I won't stay here while Keith is the hero!"  
"Keith wanted to save his brother," said Hunk.   
"What brother?"   
"Shiro!"  
"Shiro has no brothers. I know. He is my hero, Hunk. I know everything about him!"   
"Keith is adopted, sort of."  
"How do you know?" asked Pidge.   
"Well..."  
"I'm not interested - interrupted the boy - I'm going to save Shiro."  
"No, you..."  
The boy ran away, while Hunk tried to remember his name. Hunk was worried. That person wasn't a stranger.   
_I know you! You are important to me._

  
  
Allura felt guilty. They were in this situation because of her. The darkness overwhelmed her. She didn't know what to do.   
" Lady Kaylla, are you here?"  
No reply. She was standing in the void, waiting for something to happen. She needed her magic back. She was useless without it. Allura had to protect the other paladins from druids. The princess didn't want to be a burden on others.  
She wanted to help her friends.   
"You are a great trainer, Allura."  
Suddenly, she was in the training camp, in the company of a paladin she didn't know.  
"Thanks for helping me with the sword," he said.   
"What sword?"  
He transformed his bayard into an altean sword.  
"This sword, Allura. Don't you remember?"  
"That...that was my father sword."  
"I know. That's why you're teaching me how to use it, nobody is capable of use it. "  
"I..."  
"Are you okay? It looks like you've seen a ghost."  
"I'm fine. I haven't seen this sword in a long time."  
" Do you want to talk about it?"  
_Who are you? Not even Keith managed to use this sword._

  
  
Pidge hated feeling trapped. There was nothing in the room. Kaylla tricked them, and they had believed her.   
A vessel for a god. Tsk.  
She didn't believe in any god or entity. If there was a God, why did he let the Galras bring so much suffering into the universe? She believed in magic only because he saw Allura and the druids used it. She thought Allura could help her find Matt. Magic could do it. Well, she hoped that.   
Unfortunately, not even Allura's magic could help her in her search. She was angry: had tried everything, but it seemed that it was useless. She was about to give up, but she found the strength to go on.  
Not correct: someone helped her to remember why she was in the space. That person dave her a reason to stay.   
It wasn't Hunk, or Keith, or even Shiro.   
"What are you working on?"   
Pidge found herself working on the computer in her old castle room. In front of her, there was a person whom she did not recognize.  
"Go away. I'm working."  
"Pidge, you are tired. You have dark circles! How long have you not slept?"  
"Time is an illusion."   
"That's not true. Just go to bed. Tomorrow, you will do anything you want."  
"I can't! - protested the green paladin - I'm trying to track down my dad. I can't stop now."   
"Can you save your technical data?"  
"Yes, I can."  
"Well, there are no problems. You can go to bed and do your research when you wake up. It's simple."  
"No, it isn't. It's very complex and..."  
He interrupted her, "Pidge, you can't continue. You could make mistakes because you are tired."  
"I won't!"   
"Are you sure?"  
No, she wasn't sure. She was too stubborn to admit it. He had to know it. He sat down next to her and started singing a song. It was a sort of lullaby.   
"You are distracting me."  
"I just singing."  
"Well, that's annoying. Stop!"  
"No."  
"You are impossible!"  
"Well, If you don't want to go to bed, I don't want to stop to sing."   
"That's unfair!"  
_He reminded her of Matt. She can't stay angry at him._

  
  
Keith walked into the room, trying to find an exit. There was nothing for him, only darkness. _I knew that go to the temple won't help us. Nobody listened to me._ For all, the real leader was Shiro, even if he didn't fly the Black Lion. Indeed, Keith himself thought Shiro was the best among them. Keith didn't want to lead Voltron: he wasn't capable. 

He wasn't good with peoples. Pidge didn't listen to him, Hunk feared him, Allura hated him, and Matt tried not to irritate him.   
He wasn't a leader, but a substitute. Shiro didn't know what he was asking when he wanted to lead the black lion.   
"That not true. You know, you are doing a great job."   
The Blu Paladin was next to him, but wasn't Allura.   
He smiled, "You can do it. Just believe it."   
"What..."  
"Keith, Shiro chose you. Black loves you, just like Red."  
"Black Lion let me pilot him because of Shiro."  
"You are worthy."  
"I'm not."  
"Why?"  
"I can't lead Voltron. I'm not a leader. I am stubborn and irritable. I never think about the consequences of my actions."  
"Yes, you have a lot of defects. So? We all are imperfects. You know what the problem is, and will solve it. That's what you do: you see the better way to act, and you do it."   
He smiled at Keith. The paladin was without words. Nobody had such faith in him, like that person. Maybe Shiro, but he wasn't there when Keith needed him.   
"Why you trust me?" he asked.  
"We are friends, samurai. I know you."  
I don't know you, Keith thought.   
You are the only one who believes in me as a leader, but I don't know if you are real or not.   
The paladin was real. He wasn't an illusion. He was...he was...  
"Who are you?"  
"Keith, I am..."  
The Black Paladin didn't listen to the answer. It all went black, and he lost consciousness.


	5. IV

_ It was you!  _

_ Paladin, your accusations hurt me. _

_ Don't lie. You took Keith away before he heard the answer.  _

_ Maybe yes. Perhaps not. Who knows?  _

_ You are a cheater! _

_ If I'm a cheater, what are your friends?  _

_ They don't even know they are in the middle of a trial! _

_ Well, they  _ **_ tried _ ** _ to cheat. So, I intervened. _

_ It's impossible to try to reason with you! _

Keith found himself in the crypt, facing Kaylla. The others were next to him, except Shiro: he was at the far end of the room, seemed about to vomit.  
"Shiro!"  
"Don't disturb him, Black Paladin - the hasetsu warned him - He is shocked. He needs time to recover."   
"He needs help!"  
"Not from you."   
"Who..."  
"Keith, that's not the moment for any discussion - Allura interrupted him - What did we see? Were these illusions?"  
Kaylla explained, "You have seen the past. Those events happened, even if you don't remember."  
"So, there was another blue paladin before princess Allura! - exclaimed Coran - He saved my life!"

"Wait, I also saw another blue paladin, " said Allura.  
"Me too."  
"I saw there was another boy the day Keith saved Shiro," said Hunk.  
Pidge reflected on that, "Basically, we've all seen another blue paladin..."  
"Not me - Matt participated - I saw a rebel base. I was their leader. "  
"Except Matt, we all saw this person. Now, where is he? Why isn't he with us?"   
"Because of the Black Paladin, he's not here."  
Keith frowned, "Why is my fault? What have I done?"   
"You chose duty over love, without understanding the importance of your choice."  
"This means that the other paladin was with us during the trials, but Keith made him get stuck with Bob. I'm right?" asked Pidge.   
Keith felt a sharp pain in his chest that almost felt like a heart attack. It was regret.   
"You are right, green paladin."  
"Why would I do such a thing?" 

"You acted following the head, not the heart. You thought you made the right choice, but you lost the only thing that mattered to you. Black paladin, you saved your brother, but a what cost?"  
"Did I have to choose between Shiro and this person?"  
That would explain a lot: Shiro was always his first choice. He was his family.   
It was logical that he chose his brother instead of a stranger.   
It didn't seem right. When Keith was with the original blu paladin, he had felt happy. That person didn't judge him: he made him feel safe, like a friend. 

_ No, not like a friend. He was much more.  
_ Kaylla answered, "Yes, you did. You have been cruel, paladin."   
"This doesn't explain why I lost my magic," Allura participated.   
"You deceived the Death, princess. You broke the balance, saving two people destined to die. It was Bob's job to restore balance. However, he did it with unorthodox methods."   
"He humiliated us!" protested Pidge.   
"He was bored."  
"Oh yes, that explains a lot!"   
"What should we do now?" demanded Keith, ignoring Pidge's protests. 

His heart was beating fast. It seemed it wanted to break out.  _ It's your fault! Repair it! Bring him back.   
_ "This is up to you, paladins. You can decide to go ahead, return to Earth and defeat the Galras. The Lions have their paladins. Or you can choose to find the lost paladin."  
"I'm not the true Red Paladin - said Matt - He didn't want me. Maybe with this person, he will be happy. The universe needs Voltron. I can't pilot the Red Lion. If there is someone who can do it, I would be happy to give him my place."

"What else?"  
"What?"  
"Your reason is valid, rebel leader. I wonder what others have chosen."   
"Mm..."  
"Yellow paladin, what do you want?"

"I...I don't know. Maybe I want to return home. But..."   
"But you aren't sure."  
"No," admitted Hunk.  
"I wanted...- he hesitated - I wish things would return as before."  
"Why?"  
"So, we can form Voltron again."  
"This is not enough. If you want the lost paladin to return, you must remember."

"That's absurd - Pidge protested - We didn't even know his name."   
"No...we know it."  
Everyone stared at Keith.  
He said, "The original blue paladin...his name was Lance. It is the only name that we all remember, even without remembering who he is."

Kaylla smiled," You are right, Black Paladin. His name is Lance, and he could return if you want. To do this, you need to remember what he is to you. You don't have to reason in practical terms. Let your heart guide you. This suggestion is especially valid for you, Black Paladin."  
It would be so simple to do it if his heart wasn't confused. Keith was unable to follow his feelings. He was a mess! He needed a guide.  
Shiro could help him if he were in better condition. He looked at him: Shiro still looked shaken, even though time had passed. What had he seen?   
Shiro surprised him by asking," If he comes back, what will happen to me?"  
"The Black Paladin will decide."  
"Me? I'm the reason for this chaos."  
"Yes, you are. But to pass Bob's trial, you will have to make the final choice. The universe depends on this." 

_ I don't even know what I did. How can I choose without making a mistake? Shiro is my family. If I had to choose again whether to save him or the other, I could be wrong.  
_ "Nothing is simple - said Kaylla - Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. Of all of them, you are the one who risks losing the most. There is only pain for you, no matter what decision you make."  
"That's unfair."  
"I know, green paladin. I pray that he will find the strength to do the right thing."  
"What's the right thing?" Keith asked.   
He didn't want to risk Shiro's life. Not again.   
Kaylla was sad, "This depends on you."

_ I didn't want this. _

_ Paladin, the balance depends on him. _

_ Then, I prefer to stay here. I didn't want Keith to suffer. _

_ You are so noble. Yet, that decision didn't depend on you. Not this time.  _


	6. V

_Love is one of the universe's mystery._

_Bob, not another philosophical talk._

_Why not? We have a lot of time._

_You do it only to bother me._

_Maybe yes. But, listen to me: love is as ancient_ _as the universe. Probably, the first thing someone felt was love._

_Not hate?_

_It came later. Now, love makes the mortals crazy. For example, Zarkon did a lot of bad things to save his wife. Did it help? No, and the universe pays the consequences!_

_Why are you telling me this?_

_It was just an example. I doubt your Keith goes so far as to do what Zarkon has done for his wife for your sake._

_He isn't mine._

_Well, you wish he is yours. You are pretty possessive, aren't you?_

_I'm not!_

_If you think so, paladin, who am I to contradict you?_

The room had stone walls, was large and windowless. There were eight beds, their legs were in the shape of a taurine paw, and they had provided with sheets and blankets made of a material similar to terrestrial linen, but lighter.  
The Paladins would spend the night in the temple. Kaylla insisted: they would more easily connect with their feelings in a place full of spirituality. Pidge thought it was stupid, but she wasn't an emotive person, so she had some difficulty with the irrational part.   
"I hate this."  
"Katie..."  
"We could do it with our lions."  
"She is not entirely wrong."  
"Hunk!"  
"What? We could use our lions' memories!"  
"We can't!"  
"Why?"  
Matt seemed to think about it, "Kaylla said we have to recover our memories on our own."  
"Like I said, it's stupid. We could do in alone without came here."  
"Katie, thanks to her, we know what happened."  
"No, we know that Keith messed things up with Bob, but we don't know how he did it! Oh, and he also condemned Lance to stay with that psychopath."  
"It wasn't his fault! - Matt defended him - He wanted to protect Shiro. He had no choice."  
"How do you know it?"  
"Uhm..."  
"You probably weren't there during Bob's trials - said his sister - You were with the rebels."   
"Maybe yes. But I'm also sure that Keith had no choice. Kaylla said that he had to choose between his brother and Lance. Lance was his teammate, but Shiro is his family."   
"Shiro isn't a paladin."  
"So, Keith should have chosen Lance because he was more useful for Voltron, right?"  
Pidge frowned, " I didn't say it."  
"Well, it seemed so."   
"I know you and Shiro have a bond..."  
"This has nothing to do with it, Katie - Matt said - I try to say that it is not easy to choose between your family and a stranger. If I had forced to make the same choice, I would save you, not my friend."  
"Matt..."  
Suddenly, Hunk said, "But Lance wasn't a stranger. He was our friend. Maybe for Keith, he was something more than that."   
"What do you mean?" asked Pidge.  
"Kaylla said that he had lost the person he loved the most. She wasn't talk about Shiro."  
"Do you think that Keith loved Lance?"   
"I'm pretty sure."  
Pidge snorted, " This is very doubtful."  
"Why?"  
"Come on, Hunk. What kind of person do you think Keith is? Do you think is he so cruel that he left behind the _love of his life_ with Bob?"  
"He may not have done it on purpose."   
"How?"   
"I don't know - Hunk admitted - Probably, Keith didn't know what he was giving up."  
Pidge said, "He isn't that dumb. Maybe oblivious, but don't understand to be in love...not even Keith gets to those levels of idiocy."   
"No, but he isn't good with his emotions. Like you."  
"I'm smart. I would understand if I was in love."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, I am. Love is just a combination of chemical factors. Nothing special in it."   
"No, Katie. Love is more than that. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as love? There is no logic. People do crazy things when they are in love."   
"Don't use Hercules's quotes with me, Matt."  
He smiled, "This is more than a movie quotes, Katie. I don't know if Keith fell in love with Lance, but I know that the choice he made destroyed him. I saw the pain in his eyes. He doesn't remember, but he knows he has lost something very significant. I fear that when he remembers, he will have to choose again. And I'm not sure he can bear the consequences of his choice." 

Shiro was on the temple terrace, looking at the sky. It was beautiful. Adam would love it: he had always loved the stars, even those of unknown constellations.   
"Why did you want to come here?" asked Keith.   
"I need some space - answered Shiro - Moreover, I wanted to reflect."   
"Maybe I should leave."  
"No, Keith. Stay. It's been a long time since we last spoke."   
Keith was uneasy. He had sensed that something was wrong.  
"Shiro, what did you see?" he asked, deciding that the best tactic was to be direct  
Shiro smiled sadly, "Do you remember Adam?"   
"Your ex-boyfriend? Did you see him?"  
He nodded, " It wasn't a memory of the past. It was something else."  
"What was?"  
Shiro asked," Do you believe in the afterlife, Keith?"   
"Not exactly. Yet, I don't think I can be skeptical after Allura brought you back from the astral world."  
"I didn't see the astral world. I saw where I went after my death, " admitted Shiro.  
"What?"   
"It's complicated, but I think that I was in a sort of afterlife with Adam. There, I didn't go to Kerberos. We were happy, and there was no war, no Galra, and no Voltron. It was perfect."   
"Shiro, it wasn't real."   
"It was - he said, clenching his fists - For me, it was more real than anything I'm doing here. I felt in peace, Keith. I didn't want to go back."   
Keith immediately understood the implication of those words. He didn't like it at all and got angry. _How dare Shiro prefer to stay dead? Did he know what they had done to save him? How could he be so selfish?  
_ Shiro said," I know what do you think now. You are right. I'm just a selfish man, too tired to continue fighting in this war. I can't do it anymore, Keith. I'm tired."   
"Adam is waiting for you on Earth - said the Black Paladin - You can't prefer a few minutes with a fake..."  
Shiro interrupted him, "It wasn't a fake. He was Adam. The real Adam. He is dead on Earth, Keith. I had the chance to be with him again."   
"You don't even know if it was true!"  
"It was true, Keith. Kaylla showed me where I should be."  
"You have to be with us! You deserve to live, damn it!"   
"I deserve to rest."   
"You could rest after we won against the Garla!"   
"I wish it was that simple - Shiro sighed - Death left a mark on me, Keith. Kayla was right, Allura shouldn't have brought me back to life. Some things are best not to try to deceive. Death is one of these things."   
"You are shocked. You don't know what you say."  
"I'm lucid, Keith. I was never afraid of death. Before all this, I was sick. It was a mortal illness. I had a few months left, but I wanted to go with Matt and his father. Death was always with me."  
Keith was angry.   
He felt as if everything he had done to save him had been futile. _What about me? Don't you think I deserve to have you in my life? You are my brother, Shiro!_ He wanted to punch him. He wanted to scream at him, hoping to make him come to his senses. But it would be useless, wouldn't it? Shiro was no longer himself since his first capture. Something had irreparably broken in him for some time, and Keith couldn't repair it. 

"Why are you telling me this?"   
"When the time comes, you will have to make the right choice. Save the person you love, Keith. You deserve happiness, too."  
"I don't understand."  
"You will." 


	7. VI

_Shiro would never think it!_

_Well, even the heroes surrender._

_You manipulated his vision!_

_I didn't. The hasetsu did it._

_Why?_

_Probably, she thinks the universe needs you more than your friend. Moreover, why should I do it? That makes everything easier for_ **_your_ ** _Keith. A trial can't be easy, because it would be very monotonous!_

_Do you worry about this? Shiro has suicidal tendencies, and you..._

_He hasn't suicidal tendencies._

_He wants to die!_

_Yet, he didn't attempt to kill himself. He regards it as an insult to the princess. He is a remarkable man, but his honor is the same thing that made life difficult for him._

_He is better than anyone else. Shiro deserves to live safe and happy!_

_It's ironic how you all think to know what the best for him, even when he said what he wants. He isn't crazy, paladin. He is a man who is tired of life. It happens. You can't make decisions for him._

Keith couldn't fall asleep: he turned in bed, thinking about his conversation with Shiro. He had a lot to elaborate on, principally because he didn't understand Shiro. He couldn't do it. He couldn't understand his pain or the need to rest.   
It was frustrating not being able to do anything, while his brother yearned for a dead man and for an afterlife he had seen for a few seconds.   
_You too could end up like him,_ whispered a voice in his mind, similar to Kayla's.  
 _Except that he had no choice, while you had it._

Keith growled. He was tired of everyone who said he had to make a choice: it seemed that whatever he did, it was still wrong. Others in his place would be relieved to know that Shiro didn't want to live, because it would have made things simpler. Yet, he would prefer to have both Shiro _and_ Lance. Why did he have to choose? Shiro was his brother, the person who believed in him when nobody did.   
Lance was...well, he wasn't sure what Lance was for him. Keith only knew that he felt a sense of loss whenever he thought of him. He had felt complete with him when he had seen Lance in the vision. It was like to return home.   
His heart ached when he thought of Lance. It was a strange and familiar pain, as if he had felt it before. Maybe it was what he felt after the trial, when Bob took Lance away.   
_"I'm sorry. I'm the reason you are not here. Could you forgive me?"  
_ It was a silly thinking: if anyone thought Keith wasn't worth saving from Bob, he would never have forgiven that person.   
When he rescues Lance, it was likely that he won't even look Keith in the eye.

 _When.  
_ There was no hesitation, because Keith was sure he would save Lance. He couldn't even imagine the possibility that he couldn't do it.   
_If you had thought this the first time, you wouldn't be here.  
_ "I understand! I'm the biggest asshole of the universe! Now, if you don't want to help me..."  
"Keith, what's up? Why are you yelling?"  
Matt sat down on the bed, rubbing his eyes. Keith wasn't screaming, but Matt's bed was near Keith, so he had heard Keith's surge.  
"It's nothing."  
"You look upset."  
"I can't sleep."  
"Did you remember anything?"  
Keith said, "No, it's not a memory. It's...It's Shiro."

"Shiro?"  
Keith hesitated. He hadn't told anyone about his conversation with Shiro, mainly to not agitate them. He wanted to figure out for himself if there was a way to fix the problem. But Matt was Shiro's best friend. He knew him better than anyone. If there was anyone who understood Shiro as much as Keith, it was him.  
"Shiro saw Adam in his vision."  
"Oh...That explains why he was so shocked."  
"That's not the reason - said Keith - He said it was his afterlife."  
"Like in Supernatural?"  
"I guess so?"  
"So, his heaven is his life with Adam. It's not a surprise. He adored Adam."  
"He loves Adam so much that he prefers his afterlife than the real world," replied Keith.   
"What?"  
"Matt, Shiro said he would have preferred to stay _there_ . He didn't want to resurrect."   
Silence. Keith expected Matt to get angry too. He expected Matt to go and wake Shiro up, screaming how stupid he was, and that he shouldn't waste the second chance the Fate had given him.   
Instead, Matt sighed," I'd expect it." 

"Aren't you angry? Your best friend wants to die!"   
"Keith, Shiro had an incurable disease, was tortured by Galras, was forced to fight in the Arena, a clone took his place, and he died! I dare anyone to stay sane after all this."  
"He needs help."  
"No, Keith. He needs rest. Life has already tormented him enough."  
Keith wanted to beat him. How was it possible that Matt was so compliant?   
"How could you say it? He is your best friend!"  
"It's because he's my best friend that I want what's best for him."  
"Death isn't the solution! We _need_ him!"  
"I know, but he didn't need us. In that heaven, there was what he wanted most."  
"He could have it on Earth!"  
"If Adam waited for him..."   
Matt interrupted when he noticed Keith's grimace.  
"Didn't he wait for Shiro?"  
"Shiro said that Adam was dead. He knew it in his vision. I didn't believe it. It was probably a trick from Kayla to convince Shiro that death was better and that he is a burden for Voltron."

"What if it isn't?"  
"Nothing would change. I refuse to believe that Shiro can surrender."  
"He is only human, Keith. And he is broken. We can't fix him."  
"I can't let him die!"   
Matt looked at him sadly, "That's not our decision, Keith."  
"I can't let him die."   
"I know."  
"Why are you so calm?"  
"I'm not. My heart is breaking. Shiro is my best friend, and he is like a brother to me. But I can't decide what's best for him."  
"You can't believe that Death can help him!"  
"Death isn't the worst thing. The worst thing is to live without the will to do it. The worst thing is to want something that you know you can never have. It is not Death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live."

Matt paused for a long time. It seemed he was trying not to cry.   
"Shiro deserves rest. If Death can give it to him...who am I to tell him what to do?"   
"Will you let him kill himself?"  
"We both know that Shiro won't do this. He probably told you not to choose him if Bob comes back. I'm right?"  
Keith nodded. Then he said, "I want to save Lance, but I don't desire Shiro to die. I know what to do but I can't...I can't do it, not knowing that I would lose my brother."  
"Sometimes, holding on doesn’t make you stronger. Sometimes, being strong means letting go."   
Keith frowned. He had already heard that phrase.   
The memory eluded him, but he was sure...

_"Keith Kogane, sometimes holding on doesn't make you stronger. Sometimes, being strong means letting go."  
It was Lance choice now. His team didn't help. So, he could save himself, but the other risked to be there forever. He couldn't do it to them.   
"Bob, I want to make a deal."_   
  



	8. VII

_We are almost there: someone is recovering his memory._

_I told you so._

_Don't get too excited, paladin. There is still the last trial to face._

_Quiznack!_

_Are you scared? I too would be afraid if I were in your place. After all, you're not sure if Keith makes the right choice this time._

_He will._

_Yet, you don't seem sure. You aren't wrong, Keith threw you away as if you were an old shoe. You don't do this to the people you love. Am I right?_

Keith clung to Matt's shoulders, breathing hard. His head hurt. Matt said something, but he didn't hear it.   
_Oh, my God. Lance...I'm sorry, I didn't want to...to...  
_ His memories were confused, a daze that he was unable to dissipate. It was unfair, especially now, when he was so close to the truth.   
Voltron needed Lance back. _Keith_ needed Lance. The paladin missed him as if he were in the desert, and he was looking for water. Even if Lance was only a shade, Keith was sure that he was significant for him. The feeling of loss that his absence had brought was undeniable.   
How did Keith think he could handle all this? Why hadn't he chosen Lance?  
The answer was simple: he couldn't lose Shiro.   
Shiro was his family, Lance was...was...

_He is the dumbest on the team._

_He is just a cargo pilot._

_I would never want to get stuck with Lance for eternity._

Keith opened his eyes widely. He couldn't have said it, could he? It was cruel, and Keith had so many flaws, but cruelty wasn't among them. He tried to remember, but the pain increased.  
 _"Damn it...just this...I need it...Why did I tell him these things?"  
_ Unfortunately, Keith's mind didn't cooperate.   
It was like a bolt that he couldn't force. He felt something viscous run down his nose.   
Drops of blood fell at his feet, while Matt looked at him shocked. The Red Paladin made Keith lie down in bed, fighting against the boy's resistance. Keith didn't want to stay in bed. He had to remember!  
He will have no peace if he doesn't succeed, he must...  
 _If you want the lost paladin to return, you must remember.  
_ Kaylla said it. It was a useless advice! How could he remember when his mind refused to do it?  
 _Let your heart guide you. This suggestion is especially valid for you, Black Paladin._   
The irony of fate was that Keith had never been able to listen to his heart. The emotions were difficult to deal with, especially for him, who believed that actions were more efficient than words.   
Now, the actions were futile: if Keith wanted Lance back, he had to understand how he felt about him.   
_You need to remember what he is to you.  
_ He would find nothing in his head. The answer was in his heart. Keith breathed slowly and closed his eyes, ready to face his worst enemy: himself. 

Keith had stopped wiggling. For a moment, Matt really feared that Keith was dead. Then, he noticed that Keith was breathing, and he felt a weight lifted from his chest.   
"Matt, what happened?" asked Katie, coming close to him. Matt's screams must have woken her up. Allura had also woken up, while Hunk and Coran slept, blissfully unaware of Matt's panic.   
"Keith has been sick - Matt explained - He started to lose blood, and fidget. Then, suddenly he fell asleep! It was crazy, Katie. I thought he was going to die."   
"Was that why you were calling Shiro?"  
"What?"  
"You were screaming Shiro's name - Pidge said - Many times. Did you want him to help you with Keith?"   
Matt frowned. He didn't remember doing it. Probably, it was the emotion of the moment that made him call the first person who could be useful. Yet, Shiro didn't come.   
Despite Matt's despair, Shiro had ignored him. Shiro would never have done it, not when his brother's life was at risk. An alarm bell rang in his mind.   
"Oh, no...no, no, no!"  
Matt went into the back of the room, where Shiro's bed was. Matt's breath caught in his throat when he saw that his best friend wasn't there, the blankets left almost intact.   
"Shirogane, you can't do this to us! Not again!" 

Kaylla inspired slowly. She had been patient, waiting for him to come. It was no surprise that the man came to her. He was deeply broken, he had lost more than anyone else. He shouldn't be alive, and he too had realized how wrong it was that he was there. The Red Paladin, the _real_ Red Paladin, had to come to Saqqur, not he. It was all wrong.   
It was no surprise that Bob had intervened, although she did not approve of the way he did it.   
_Some balances must be respected. What is dead must remain dead.  
_ "Welcome back, Shirogane. You memorized how to defuse the traps."  
"I was lucky," he said.  
Kaylla smiled," Don't be modest, your skills have made you an excellent leader."  
"Sometimes, it seems to me that I became Voltron's black paladin by chance," he admitted in a low voice, as if it were a secret he too barely accepted.   
"The chance is only a caprice of fate - Kaylla replied - Destiny wanted you to leave for the Kerberos mission. It wanted you to become Champion. It wanted you to led Voltron. And Destiny also decided that you had to die."   
He didn't say anything. Kaylla sensed his disturbance, as deep as the ocean. He tried to be brave, but every determination disappeared in front of the awareness of his own fate. Shirogane was just a mortal, despite the role that he had in protecting the Universe.   
"Why are you here?"   
Kaylla already knew it, but he must have said it, thus starting a new path.   
He hesitated, "If I die, will Lance come back?"  
"Yes."  
"Keith should have chosen him, wouldn't he?"  
"Yes."  
"Allura shouldn't have brought me back to life."  
That wasn't a question, but she said, "Yes, Shirogane."   
His breath trembled," Did I really see Adam? Wasn't that an illusion?"  
"What do you think, Shirogane?"  
"I don't know - he admitted - It seemed real to me."  
"So, you have your answer - Kaylla responded - Only you can know the truth, Shirogane. That place was your heaven. You deserved it."  
" The Universe has given me a very unusual compensation," he commented.   
"Heroes are doomed to fight to the end. Death is their relief, the liberation from struggles, and unnecessary links - she reveled - You are not happy, Shirogane, and you can never be again, not if you live."   
"I know."  
He didn't say it with resignation, but with the recognition of those who knew they had reached the end. He was a man of honor, as the first Black Paladin had once been.  
Kaylla was sorry she couldn't help him, but Voltron didn't need him. Voltron needed his heart.   
"Can you replace me with Lance? - the man asked - Can you put an end to all this?"  
"This is a trial, Shirogane. You and your friends will have to win, and do it yourself."  
"Why?"  
"The purpose of this trial is to understand the value of who has been lost, Shirogane. The paladins would get nothing if I gave them all the answers, and you wouldn't find the peace you seek."  
"You said that the final decision is Keith's. I don't want this burden on him."   
"The Black Paladin had to do it - Kaylla explained - It is the price he must pay to be a leader."  
"But..."  
Kaylla interrupted him, "The Black Paladin must understand what is most important to him. For too long, he has underestimated the heart. Now it's time for him to correct his mistakes." 

He was about to argue, but the voice of the fake Red Paladin cut him off, "Takashi Shirogane, what the fuck?!" 


	9. VIII

_Funny._

_What?_

_Funny how you two are pretty similar. I noticed it now._

_Me and Matt? No way._

_And_ _yet it can! He too is hopelessly in love with a person. Is that a requirement to become a Red Paladin?_

_I don't understand._

_Look how angry he is. It's not the anger of a friend. It's the anger of the lover._

_Matt and Shiro are just friends._

_Like you and Keith?_

_This has nothing to do with it.  
  
_

_That's not true. Your stories are comparable.  
  
_

_Little communication, hidden feelings... I wonder if these two stories will have the same ending._

Matt's fury was like a river in flood: unstoppable and powerful. He entered the room, followed by Allura and Katie, his gaze fixed on Shiro.   
Finding his absence had made Matt worried. Understanding where Shiro had probably gone had been even worse. Matt didn't think his friend could be suicidal, but he was wrong.   
The paladin had no doubt about the reasons that had prompted Shiro to come there. Shiro wanted to die. Or, at least, finding a way to make things easier for his brother, taking away from Keith the obligation to make a choice.  
Neither hypothesis made Matt happy.   
"Are you crazy? - he asked in front of Shiro. The ex paladin had the decency to appear embarrassed - You left at night, taking advantage of us being asleep. You know well that I would stop you, didn't you? Me or Keith. You said to Keith you wouldn't kill yourself. Instead, you came here! What do you want to do? Magically solve team problems?"  
"Matt..."  
"I can't believe it. I thought you were better. I understand that you have gone through hell, and I don't blame you if you're depressed. But seek death, without even saying goodbye to your friends..."  
"Matt..."  
"You wanted to die without saying something. How could you do this, Shiro? Didn't we deserve a goodbye?"   
Shiro sighed," I wasn't here to die."  
Kaylla intervened," Say the truth, Shirogane. He is just asking you this."   
The truth wasn't simple. It was something twisted, which Shiro refused to face.   
The truth would force him to face the pain he had tried to avoid. He was tired of suffering.   
"What is the truth, Shiro? - asked Matt - Did you come to get yourself killed?"

"I...- Shiro hesitated. Behind Matt, Allura and Pidge watched in silence, anxious to hear his answer. - I wanted to know what would happen if I died. If Lance would come back if I just wasn't there anymore. And...and if she could replace me with Lance."  
Matt blurted out, "Idiot! You just decided to get killed without even..."  
"I said no - Kaylla clarified, making the paladins sigh with relief - This is a trial, I can't barge in. I don't want to vain your efforts."  
"We did nothing," replied Pidge.  
"You have understood the way to go. I have shown you the way, but you have chosen to follow it. The rest is in your hands."   
Matt rolled his eyes, "Yeah, This is all very interesting, but didn't change what Shiro did."   
"Matt, I'm sorry."  
"That's not enough, Shiro - Matt interrupted him. His eyes were cold - You decided to get killed without telling us anything. How do you think Lance would have reacted, knowing he was back because you were dead? What would Keith do? Or Pidge? And me? Have you thought of me?"   
"No, I didn't."   
Matt punched him in the face. Shiro didn't react. Matt was about to hit him again, but Allura stopped him.   
"Matt, calm down," she ordered, as Shiro's nose started to bleed.

"Calm down? He just admitted that he didn't think about us, that he didn't care..."  
"I was selfish - Shiro admitted - I'm sorry. I wanted to do one last thing for Voltron before I died. This time, without being brought back to life."   
Allura bit her lips, " Even if I wanted to, I couldn't do it. Bob stole my magic, remember?"   
"You should thank her - Matt said - She gave you a new chance."  
"I shouldn't have had it. You know that well, Matt."  
"No, I didn't."  
"Don't lie. You know that life has tormented me enough. Isn't that what you said to Keith?"  
Matt asked, "Did you hear us?"  
"Only part, not all. I was leaving, I didn't want... well, I didn't want to delay."  
Matt clenched his fists and forced himself to talk calmly, "I said to Keith you need rest. I said I want what's best for you. I never said I wanted you to leave without saying something. I respect you, Shiro. I lo...I want the best for you. I can even accept your death. What I can't accept is that you were practically going to commit suicide, and I wouldn't have known. Do I mean that little to you?"   
His voice was broken. The paladin seemed on the verge of tears, but he stayed.   
"You are my best friend, Matt. How can you think I don’t care about you?"  
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the reason is that you secretly came here to pray to get yourself killed? _Alone,_ Shiro. If you had told me..."  
Shiro shook his head, "I didn't want to force you. I had to do it alone."  
Matt mocked him, "What a hero! You preferred to keep it secret and face it all alone. That's not the way it works. You are part of this team, even if you no longer pilot a lion. Your decisions affect us. We’re just lucky Kaylla refused to help you, or else..."  
Matt interrupted. Imagining waking up and discovering that Shiro was no longer terrified him. It was what made him angry.  
"So, there is no point in arguing - Shiro said - Until someone remembers, I will still be here."

"No, we have to argue. Don't you understand what would have caused your choice? I’m trying to make you realize you don’t have to go through this alone. I'm here. _I've always been here_ ."  
There was a secret here. A hidden feeling, so as not to ruin a friendship. There was not only anger in Matt. There was also love.   
"I know, Matt."  
"It didn't seem so."   
Shiro put a hand on his shoulder and smiled," You are like a brother, to me. You have always been close to me, even in my worst moments. For this, I thank you for all that you have done ... and for what you cannot do."   
_You are like a brother.  
_ That hurt Matt. He tried to take courage, and say, "I ..."   
Kaylla interrupted him, "He is remembering."  
"Who?"  
"The Black Paladin. He gave in to his heart."   
Shiro seemed relieved, "My moment is coming."

Matt wanted to tell Shiro _You shouldn't be so happy._ You don't know what Keith will choose. Do you think he'll let you go?  
What would Matt have chosen? His happiness, or that of Shiro?  
Stupid question. He had always chosen Shiro. He would do whatever it takes to make him happy. Even if this would break his heart.


	10. IX

_ How do you feel when you think about him? _

It was the question Dr. Reyna at Garrison always asked him, during the psychological therapy sessions after Shiro's disappearance. 

It was Iverson's idea not to lose the best pilot of his generation. Keith hated talking about his feelings. He found it useless. Why did he have to sit in an armchair talking about his abandonment issues, when Iverson was clearly lying about his brother's mission and disappearance? 

Okay, he had anger issues, but  _ doctor, this has nothing to do with the belief that Iverson is a bastard. _

Keith found the sessions useless, and after the third time, he had decided not to go anymore. The paladin had more important things to think about, like finding out what happened to Shiro. 

But now, that question could help him remember Lance. How did he feel about him? If his brain couldn't help him, then let his heart do it.

The first things that came to mind were trust, sense of peace, and a sense of guilt.

_ Trust  
_ He didn't understand how he could trust anyone other than his father, Shiro, or Adam. Trust was something Keith didn't give easily, not even to his teammates. But instinctively, the paladin knew he could trust Lance. He didn't feel the same for Pidge and the others. Lance gave him the feeling of granite, unwavering trust. He was Keith's rock, his anchor for staying lucid when nothing made sense.   
Now that he wasn't there, Keith missed him. Because the half-galra lacked someone who understood him. Keith hated not remembering his time with the other paladin, the relationship that had been established between them, whatever it was.  
  


_ "At first I didn't think Shiro was right ... but now, I think you'll be a great leader."  
  
_

Lance considered him a good leader. Despite Keith's temperament, he trusted his decisions. Probably.   
Keith wondered what it was like to lead Voltron with Lance as the pilot of the Red Lion. Would it have been easier? Would others have listened to his orders more? Would there always have been a need for Shiro's intervention to be heard?  
  


_ “You are not Shiro, you are Keith. You don't have to become him, that's fine as you are. "  
  
_

The paladin felt his heart warm. Lance wanted Keith to be himself. It was new. Nobody liked his personality, Keith was considered too impulsive, too wild, too unpredictable. He still wondered why Shiro had chosen him and not Allura as the pilot of the Black Lion, and why Black had allowed him to drive her. He was not worthy: although Lance thought otherwise, and had trusted Keith.   
Keith had restored the same confidence in him. It seemed fair. However, something was wrong. What was it?

_ Sense of peace.  _

At first, associating Lance with quiet had seemed wrong. Lance gave him the impression of energy, strength, eternal movement, someone impossible to stop. But Keith, thinking of him, felt at peace, his anger momentarily put aside. He had always had trouble managing his anger. The paladin was more aggressive than the others, sometimes even bullying. It meant he wasn't doing it on purpose, but it would be a lie. Keith was happy when he had a fight with someone. With Lance it was different. It seemed that his mere presence was able to calm the paladin, as a sort of antidote to the evil that was inside him.

He wanted that calm. Keith did not know what the other did to calm him down, but whatever it was, it was more effective than Dr. Reyna's advice.

_ Sometimes it was enough to have the right person next to you to be able to silence everything else. _

_ Sense of guilty  _

It was the most familiar feeling when Lance thought. Even before they stopped to talk to Kaylla, Keith felt a weight on his stomach.  _ Guilty. Selfish. Ungrateful.  
_ It had gotten worse since Kaylla had told him that Lance wasn't with them because of choice by Keith. He didn't know what was important to him, she said. And he lost the only thing that really mattered. Keith didn't understand.  Shiro was his family. How could he have been wrong to choose him? Still, his heart always ached at the thought of Lance.

_ I miss him, I miss him, I miss him...   
  
_

What had he done? He must have known it, but at the same time, he feared it. The answer could only be unpleasant.

_  
"I don't want to be alone for eternity with Lance."  
  
_

Had Keith really said that? Or had he thought so? But why? Lance was… kind, maybe. He trusted Keith and had helped him during Shiro's absence. He did not deserve the hatred. Why had Keith treated him in this way?

_ "Think carefully about your choice." _

_ “I don't need it. I'll take Shiro. " " _

_ You should think about it, Kogane."  _

_ "Why? You asked _ **_ Who does Voltron need most?  _ ** _ And Voltron needs Shiro. " _

What had Lance said? Had he hated Keith? Did he realize how hopeless it was to help Keith? Keith made his decision with coldness. The paladin wanted to say that his choice had been for Shiro, but it also seemed like a weak excuse for him. Keith did it... why did he do it? Was he too stupid to understand? Even then, it was no excuse for hurting Lance's feelings.

_ "You were wrong."  _

_ "But you asked ..."  _

_ “Shiro is no longer a paladin, Keith Kogane. It is not very smart to give up your right arm for someone who is no longer useful. " “Voltron needs Shiro. Not Lance's. " _

Fuck. It was ridiculous. Keith almost wanted to laugh. Voltron needed Shiro… it wasn't entirely wrong, but it wasn't right either.  Keith needed Shiro, not Voltron. He needed someone to guide him, to be his moral compass. But it was wrong. Shiro was human, not some kind of angel who had to clean up Keith's mess. Neither did Lance. It was so wrong to expect someone else to sort things out for him… or tell him what to do… sure, Keith needed to know where he was wrong, but he couldn't get addicted. Besides, how dare did he say Voltron didn’t need Lance? 

_ "Too bad, you almost won. Keith Kogane, sometimes holding on doesn't make you stronger. Sometimes, being strong means letting go." _

_ "Bob, I want to make a deal."  _

_ "Oh, Lance McLean. Do you really want to make a deal with me to save these people? Even after everything they said during my trials?" _

_ "Yes, I want to do it." _

_ “You are stupid, or exceptionally kind. Or a dangerous combination of the two. "  _

_ "Do you want to hear what I have to offer or do you want to continue making useless comments?" _

_ "Go ahead."  _

_ "I offer you one last trial. The final reward ... will be the salvation of the whole team. " _

Final trophy... sacrifice... Keith had it all wrong ... Voltron needed ... needed his heart ... his heart ... his heart ...

** I remember.  **

_ Bob smiled.  
_ _ “It took a while, didn't it? Well, it looks like we've come to an end. Who do you think he will choose now? " _


	11. X

_ Bob looked at Lance interested.  _

_ The entity said to him, "Speak, boy. I'm curious how you want to save your team. Even if they don’t deserve much. They turned out to be very irritating. Not that my expectations were very high, but to be even below them..." _

_ Pidge would have protested angrily, but she was in no condition to say anything, half sucked into the void of infinite space as she was. _

_ Keith growled, "Lance, say no more." _

_ "Why? I certainly can't make it worse."  _

**_ As you did,  _ ** _ it was understood. _

_ An accusation that infuriated the black paladin, who opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it immediately. _

_ There was nothing to say.  _

_ He made a mess, but Keith didn't understand, he was convinced that Shiro was the right choice. _

_ How could Voltron exist without him? It didn’t occur to him that he was wrong, his conviction was solid. _

_ Lance continued, "Make my friends forget my existence." _

_ "What?!" _

_ Lance ignored the screams of his friends, and continued, “It's a new trial. I'll stay with you, and I'll be able to go back as soon as one of them remembers me. " _

_ "Mhm ... so I can determine how close your team is ... but how do you think they will be able to remember?"  _

_ The smile Lance gave was sad, "Sometimes, the heart remembers what the mind has forgotten." _

When he opened his eyes, Keith was no longer in the bedroom the priestesses had prepared for him. He was back in Bob's pseudo TV studio, standing on stage. This time there was no audience, and he was alone. 

"Who would have expected that the first to recover the memory would have been you - Bob said, flying in front of the paladin - You were a surprise, Keith. Although, considering your feelings for Lance... "

The paladin had the urge to strangle him, and tried to jump on Bob, but he seemed to be nailed to the floor.

Bob chuckled, "I'm not stupid, Keith. I've taken my precautions." "Where's Lance?" 

Bob just stared at him with a raised eyebrow, not at all frightened by the paladin's anger. On the contrary, he calmly took out a deck of cards from who knows where and began to shuffle it thoughtfully.

"You have different card games on Earth, don't you?"

"What the...?"

"In particular - he interrupted the half Galra - I have heard of a popular one, in which the Earthlings enjoy giving away entire assets. What was it called? It started with p..."

Keith forced himself to calm down and reply between his teeth, "I guess you're referring to poker."

Bob snapped his fingers, "Poker, that's right! I just couldn't remember ..."

"What does poker have to do with Lance?"

"A poker player and the red paladin are more alike than you might think. They both gave a very high bet and made a risky bet..."

He had stopped shuffling and laid the deck right in front of him before drawing the top card.

"And there are always consequences to be faced when you bet everything."

He turned it over, and Keith almost screamed: trapped inside the paper, Lance looked at him with an expression that was somewhere between brave and resigned.

"What did you do to him?" 

"He is your prize, and I am being treated as such. This is a game, do you remember?"

"I remember everything - Keith replied - Lance said ..."

"I know what your friend said - Bob cut him off - And I respected my part of the deal. I let you go. But you remember what I said before you paladins left?"

_ Lance was beside Bob, turned from behind, not looking at his friends. It was less painful for him.  _

_ He had put his life in their hands, and Keith doubted they deserved that trust. Keith certainly didn't deserve it. _

_ Keith wanted to take Lance by the arm and take him away, but the strength of the portal was too much, and he felt less and less lucid. _

_ He didn't want to forget. He didn't want it... he didn't want to lose him... he wanted... to save Lance ... fault ... it was his fault ... this situation... _

_ "In the end, you will have to make a choice - Bob warned him, before the darkness engulfed Keith - The balance of the universe depends on you, black paladin. But don't worry, no pressure." _

Keith groaned.  _ He was back to square one. Kaylla had told him: he would have to choose between Shiro and Lance, again. This time the choice would be final.  _

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

Keith raised his head and looked at Bob, "Why are you doing this? Why do I have to choose? Why does one of us have to die? That's not fair!"

The other looked annoyed, "You have some restraint! And would you be the black paladin? You look more like a whimpering child. It's not fair, the world is angry with me, it's always me who must suffer...Wake up, boy. The universe doesn’t revolve around you miserable humans and your short lives. You are a paladin of Voltron, but that certainly does not make you superior to the rules of nature! Now listen to me carefully... "

Bob set aside the card, shuffled the deck, and took another card.

This time the card was the King of Spades, "No matter how great someone is, there is always someone who surpasses him - and he down the Ace of Hearts - And the most powerful entity of all is Death."

Having said this, Bob took another card from the deck: it was a Joker. 

"Nothing can escape Death, the universe itself is destined to end one day - he took the King and the Ace, and put them back in the deck - However, until then, we need something to counteract, and that’s life. For every life that goes away, another takes its place, in an eternal cycle. " 

He took two more cards, this time the King of Clubs and the King of Diamonds.

Bob took the King of Diamonds, "However, what happened ... It's not good. You cheated death! Shirogane was destined to die, but you and your friends intervened and prevented it. Do you know what that means?" 

Keith just shook his head, his brain aching from that explanation and card comparisons. 

"You have disturbed the balance, paladin. The universe rests on a delicate balance, in which order and chaos coexist in equal parts, without ever overwhelming each other. Death can be prevented, but not avoided. Your princess needs to learn it. That's why I took her magic away. She'll get it back when the right time comes. "

"That doesn't explain why I have to choose between Lance and Shiro." 

Bob snorted, "The princess didn't tell you, did she?"

"Said what?"

“It was disagreeable that a person was brought back to life, but one could have turned a blind eye. Maybe. But two people were resurrected on the same day, throwing off balance. "

He showed him two cards: one was Lance's, while the other was the Joker.

“Now, do you understand, Keith? I'm not acting out of cruelty. I have my methods, even if questionable, as  _ someone _ rightly pointed out to you. But what I do, I do it for the good of the Universe. Voltron and I have the same purpose. We are similar." 

_ None of us are sadistic bastards who subject others to psychological torture and forcing absurd trials. _

Keith said, "There must be another way ..."

Bob looked at him with something akin to pity, "No, there isn't. I am old, black paladin. I have seen the rise and fall of empires. Zarkon was a child to me. I know all the tricks. There are no ways out, not this time. "

The cards flew in front of the paladin. Bob continued, “Now is your time, Keith. Choose. Lance or Shiro? Who will you save this time?"

It was an impossible choice to make. Shiro was his brother, and Lance was the person he lov… mhm...Keith respected. 

Whatever choice he makes, Keith will lose someone he loves. 

His hands were shaking, his eyes wet. It was time. One will die, the other will live. And he had to choose.

He remembered what Shiro had told him at the temple. 

_ I'm just a selfish man, too tired to continue fighting in this war. I can't do it anymore, Keith. I'm tired. _

The answer had already been given, but the paladin had been too shocked to hear it. 

His voice trembled as he said, "I choose Lance."


	12. Epilogue

Lance was sleeping. Kaylla told them it wasn't surprising, he had spent about a week with Bob without eating, drinking or resting. 

_ "Let him rest, he deserves it, "  _ she said. 

For Pidge, it was a miracle that Lance was still alive. 

For Keith, it was an exchange since Lance was alive because of Shiro's death. 

And it was Keith's fault. 

The paladin sat better in the chair. He was tired, the effects of the sleepless night were showing. 

Hunk had offered to replace him, but he had refused. He didn't want to lose sight of Lance. The paladin feared that if he did it, the other would disappear again, and Keith would forget him forever. 

"You are so stupid - the paladin said, turning to his senseless friend - Why did you believe in me? I treated you poorly during the trials, but you still chose to put your life in my hands. Why?" 

"The answer seems obvious to me."

Keith winced slightly, but relaxed when he saw Matt. 

Matt was wearing his rebel force clothes again, and seemed to feel much more comfortable. 

It wasn't meant for him to become a paladin, despite what his sister thought. 

Tragically ironic that it took a sadistic god to realize how wrong the paladins were in their beliefs.

Magic couldn't solve everything, a friend couldn't be replaced, and their red paladin was the most courageous idiot in the galaxy. 

"Weren't you with Pidge?"

"She and Hunk are discussing what they will tell Lance when he wakes up. I didn't want to intrude on their argument."

"Couldn't you go to Allura?"

"The princess is with Kaylla. A private conversation, according to Coran. He didn't want to tell me more."

"So you thought you'd come and annoy me."

"It's accurate, my leader." 

Matt wrinkled his nose, "Keith, man, you should go wash. You stink."

"I can't go." 

The rebel sighed, "Lance won't be alone. I'll be there with him."

"What if he disappears again?"

"It won't happen."

"You can't know." 

Matt walked over and put a hand on his shoulder, “It's over, Keith. It's okay now. "

Keith got angry, "Do you think it's all worked out? Shiro is dead, we can't bury him because we don't have a body to bury, Lance is in a coma and Allura doesn't have his powers yet. It's not okay at all."

Matt took his hand off Keith's shoulder, his face pale. Shiro's death was a sensitive subject for him too. 

The ex black paladin had disappeared after Lance and Keith returned. 

He hadn't said goodbye, and was simply gone, as if his presence was a dream.

His brother had settled the outstanding issues and left in peace. He could finally rest. But his family didn't know how to go on.

Matt said, "Lance is here now. Allura will get his powers back sooner or later. And Shiro ... now he's at peace."

Keith jumped up and paced back and forth, unable to sit still a second longer. He had to let off steam. 

"You call it peace? He's dead, Matt! Don't try to sweeten the truth. It's my fault that he's gone! I'm an idiot. I'm the dumbest member of the team, not Lance. It's my fault if Shiro is gone. It's my fault that Lance doesn't wake up. I should be the one who ... the one who..." 

"Do you want to be dead? Or in a coma? Do you think Shiro and Lance would like him?"

"I don't know what they want, and I can't ask them!" 

"It's not your fault, Keith. Things had to be like this."

Keith grimaced, "I'm tired of hearing about fate, balance, and shit. I'm selfish, Matt. I want everything. I want my brother with me, I want Lance, I want to go back to Earth..."

"You can't have everything - Matt interrupted him - There are always sacrifices to make." 

"It's not fair."

"Well, I have news for you: Life. It's not. Fair, " Matt said, angrily. 

"You can't expect there to be a solution to everything, or that you can save everyone. Choices have to be made, sacrifices have to be made. You have to learn this if you want to be a good leader."

"I'm not a leader. Shiro was."

"His time is up. Now is your time."

"I never wanted this." 

"I know." 

"I miss him." 

"Me too."

Keith looked at him for a few seconds, before sitting up again, head in his hands. 

Matt walked over to them, and they stood there in silence for a few minutes before the paladin muttered, "What do you think Shiro would have done in my place?"

"I'm not sure. But I think ... I think he would have mourned and tried to keep the team together. Right now, you are all psychologically and emotionally upset. He would have tried to be your anchor."

Keith laughed without glee, "I can hardly not fall apart. I can’t help others! Lance is good with people, not me."

"Lance will recover." 

"How do you know it?"

"I believe in him. He is much stronger than he is credited with. Deep down, Lance is like water: tenacious and persistent enough to dig through even the hardest rock." 

Keith turned to look at the sleeping paladin. Matt had called Lance tenacious. He would have preferred to use the term  _ stubborn as a mule,  _ but the black paladin knew that Matt was right. 

Only Lance could have endured that last trial without giving up. 

"We didn't treat him right - Keith found himself saying - During Bob's trials, we all were terrible. Lance could have left us there, but he didn't. His sacrifice saved us. But I can't understand..." 

"What?"

"How could Lance trust us so much after what we did to him? How did he know that I or any of us would remember who he was?" 

"He trusts you."

"But why?"

"Love." 

The answer froze Keith on the spot, "You're kidding me."

Matt shook his head, “I'm serious. For love, we always do crazy things. Whether it's making a pact with an alien entity, or organizing a revolt in Galra prisons in the hope of finding the one you love. There is nothing rational. Follow your heart and hope that at the end of the path you will still have all your bones intact." 

A sentence struck Keith. Or you organize a riot in the hope of finding the person you love. Hadn't Matt done this? He had tried to save Shiro from the Arena. He had done things unthinkable for him. Was all that for love?

"You and Shiro..." 

"This is not about us." 

"Let me know this: did you love him?"

"I loved him more than my own life."

Keith's voice trembled, "And how did you understand that?"

"You don't understand love, you feel it. Love is everything and nothing at the same time. We cannot live without love, even if sometimes we want to tear our hearts out of our chest so as not to suffer. But it is a pain worth experiencing. Even if sometimes it doesn't seem like that."

"I don't understand."

"It seems to me that you and Lance understand this perfectly well."

Keith blushed slightly, "I'm not in love with him."

"Are you sure?"

"I..."

"I'll tell you what I understand by looking at you two. You love each other, but you don't know how to do it. At least, you don't know how to express positive emotions towards other people. You prefer to ignore what you feel. And if you want advice, ignoring your feelings is never a good thing. You risk exploding if you keep them too deep and don't do anything about it. "

"How did this happen to you?" Keith provoked him. 

“It was worse for me. My feelings were unrequited. Moreover, I was a coward, I didn't say anything for fear that Shiro would feel guilty or whatever. Don't make the same mistakes as me, Keith. Open your heart to Lance. You both deserve some happiness. "

Keith wasn't sure he could make Lance happy, but he wanted to try, with all the apprehension of those who have violently opened their eyes to their mistakes and want to avoid making them again. 

He didn't know what love was, but Keith knew he wanted to protect Lance and give him the support he deserved. Lance was like a flame, he lit up everyone.

But the fire also needed to be healed, otherwise it would go out. 

"Matt...thanks..."

Finally, fatigue prevailed, and Keith fell asleep an hour after Matt’s visit. The paladin had his head resting on the bed, while one hand gripped Lance's.  
Suddenly, Lance shook the hand of the other paladin in turn. It was not clear whether he was awake or not. But it was clear that he didn't want to let Keith go either. 

If I know what love is, it is because of you.  
** (Herman Hesse) **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I thank everyone who has read, left comments, and kudos to this story. You have been close to me and I really appreciate your support. Thanks for everything.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Alternative Season 7 where Bob takes Lance with him after a bad decision of Keith.  
> Bob had so much potential as a villain and I feel bad that he was only in one episode. So what if he was more incisive on the story?
> 
> \- English is not my first language.


End file.
